R&R

I have been resting my knee for the past couple of days. It is feeling better, but I don’t want to push it or hurt it again before my dance recital.

Yesterday, although the knee still hurt, I walked about a million laps around Walmart. Not because I felt like I wanted to walk a lot, but because I shop like a goldfish with dementia. I backtrack so much it is almost humorous. Oh well, it is good to get the walk in.

Today did not warrant much walking. I was super busy all day. At one point I was on my way to dinner with my family, had to park a distance from the building, and went to job across the parking lot. I realized that I am on sabbatical from running for at least a week and felt sad.

I AM A NEW WOMAN! I have never felt sad about not being able to run. Normally I was upset when people would tell me to run.

I am looking forward to next Monday when I can hit the pavement again!

 

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Fat

This article (link below) is so true. Not just for people who are fat, but all people who have replaced a love for their bodies with shame. It took me many years to realize that my body was the only one I was ever going to have and that I need to love it no matter its shape. Please, read this article, it is important.

On “Tough Love” and Your Fat Friend’s Health

 

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Pop

My run started so good. I was so excited to start week 3 which introduces running for 3 minutes. The weather is beautiful, it is very cool out which I prefer.

During my warm up walk I watched the sunset. It started as pink with a little rainbow stretching across the clouds. As the sun dropped, the clouds turned blue. All I could think of was the scene in Sleeping Beauty:

Created by RAYZ

“Make it pink.” “Make it blue!”

I completed my walk and started my run. Less than 30 seconds later I stepped down and felt my knee pop. That was it. I couldn’t put weight on it. I sat in someone’s lawn and called my husband to come and get me. He had to help me to stand and, after limping up the stairs, he helped me to bed where I am now icing and elevating my leg.

THIS IS NOT HOW MY RUN WAS SUPPOSED TO GO!

I am so upset. I was crying, not so much due to the pain in my swollen and discolored knee, but because I can’t run with a hurt knee. I love running. It challenges me in ways I never thought to be challenged. It is something I am doing purely for myself, a chance to be with just myself. Unfortunately, though, I don’t think I should run anymore between now and my dance recital next week. I can’t afford to get hurt worse before then. I will go for walks, but I don’t think running is in my best interest for the time being.

I’m looking forward to running again and hoping the knee heels quickly.

Posted in c25k, couch to 5K, fat, injury, running, sneakers, stopwatch, Uncategorized, Walking | 2 Comments

Success

What makes a run a good run? Last week I claimed I had a bad run. Today’s run was not necessarily better in that it was easier, but I would claim that it was a good run. I started out as the sun was kissing the horizon. My opening walk was beautiful. I said hi as I passed the old dog who I always see sitting on a stoop. He/she is so cute and just like a grandparent, sits and watches as things pass by, making no fuss about anything, just enjoying the time sitting.

shoes

My shoes, iPod, and AIDS Walk pin.

What usually takes me 5 minutes to walk took way less time, so I began running in a new spot. It felt strange, but the good kind of strange. It made me happy to think that even my walking is speeding up as a result of my efforts. I could see the walkers that I had passed last week up ahead and wondered if I might catch up with them. I never did, but they were way ahead of me.

I run past a neighbor’s yard that is beautifully landscaped. The flowers and lilac bushes were perfuming the air. This made me happy to have endured the heat from the past couple of days. There was a bullfrog in their pond singing his bullfrog song. I paused my music and slowed down just so I could listen to him.

I did my first two rounds of running without much difficulty. It gets a little harder from there, but I pushed myself. I almost fell twice, my left leg was getting lazy and would occasionally hit the ground too soon. I almost face planted, but managed to catch my balance at the last second. A car was driving by at the same time, I am sure they were wondering what the fat girl on the sidewalk was doing. You’ve heard of the dance move Running Man, well, this is a new one called Falling Girl…

It was a tough run. I didn’t meet my 90 second goal every time, but I pushed myself to try it. I made myself do each run. I feel good about today’s run.

What measures success? Is it meeting and exceeding your goals or is it finding pride in every accomplishment, even if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted to do?

success

This is the picture I wanted to post last week, the post-run picture of success.

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Memorial Day

It may seem weird, but Memorial Day is one of my favorite holidays. I love the history, I love the ceremony. My town hardly does anything throughout the year. Seriously, a town meeting is about as exciting as it usually gets around these parts. But, Memorial Day is the one day out of the year that we have a parade and the townspeople come out to the park together. My favorite part of the day is when they release a wreath from the bridge in honor of those who died at sea. It is such a symbolic motion and every year it makes me cry.

This year I walked in the parade. I wore a Civil War style dress recreated from one Mary Todd Lincoln wore. I made the mistake of going for authenticity and wearing the boots that go with the outfit. 1 mile parade route later, my feet were sore.

As per my usual after a long walk and sore feet, I went to the local pond and went swimming. The water was so nice, despite the fish that was following me (no, seriously, this fish kept following me!)

After a good swim, I went to the park to have a picnic and play on the swings. Swings are by far the best playground equipment ever. I left the park to go to dance class, where I ended up staying an extra 30 minutes to work on a routine for recital.

Today was a good day. Happy Memorial Day everyone.

 

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Showers and Stairs

I didn’t go for a run today. I have a plethora of excuses including my foot hurts, I am really tired from a long day, at 9pm it was still so hot out that I could barely breath, etc. etc. But, these are not the real reason I was absent from running. The real reason is I am supposed to go to a party and work tomorrow and our shower is broken…

Yep, that’s right, I have no way to wash away the sweat after a run. So, I figured it was best to play it safe rather than sorry. Luckily, I found out the shower was broken while mid-shower, so I managed to rinse off before it became useless.

So, here I am, eyes half shut, trying really hard not to sweat or get anything in my hair.

On the plus side, I did do something today that I am proud of and think is a result of my running. Today I took the stairs at a local library. I have never taken the stairs there. I walked right passed the elevator as though this were extremely normal for me, and scurried up the steps. Normally I would have been out of breath from rushing up stairs, but I wasn’t. I think I will try to take stairs more often!

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I Believe in Yesterday

Today was a rough day, overall. It started out great, but slowly spiraled into one of those monthly days where it is best to lock oneself in her room rather than have to be around people. Despite feeling like I could lick the chocolate frosting off an entire cake (which I did not do because that would be super gross), I was so excited to go for a run.

I waited for dusk (my running time) like a kid waiting for Santa. I knew that my run would fix all the earthly problems of the day. I was going to take a post-run selfie and a picture of my shoes with my iPod and my AIDS Walk pin which I keep pinned to the headphone cord as a reminder of my goal to run at least some of it next year.

I could not have been more disappointed if I had received a lifetime of coal in my stocking…

I tried to run. The first 90 seconds weren’t too bad, but I developed a sharp pain in my side that slowed me down. From that point forward it was a reflection of the way the rest of my day had been: a downward spiral into the pit of despair.

My 90 second intervals were more like 30-60 seconds, breathing heavily, 30 more seconds, breathing heavily.

Yesterday’s run had been so awesome. Today’s run was more like the stereotype of fat people: We can’t run. We get winded in just a few seconds.

I took a post-run selfie, but instead of me smiling with a bead of sweat on my forehead and a thumbs up, this is what I took:

mms_picture

I had all to do not to caption this with such lovely sentiments as, “This is what a fat loser looks like.” Or, “Way to NOT represent.”

Then I realized something. 2 weeks ago I couldn’t even run 30 seconds; now I am working toward running 3-times that. I was feeling miserable but I got out there and worked at it. I can’t be a loser if I am learning. I can’t be a loser if I am trying my best. I can’t be a loser if I refuse to let myself lose. A loser doesn’t say, “Next time we will try harder.” A loser says, “Whelp, that’s it. Guess running isn’t for me.”

How can I not represent fat people who are trying something new, something challenging, if I, myself, am both fat and trying something new and challenging? I saw 4 people out walking today, I ran by each of them. I may have had to stop to catch my breath within a short time of running by them, but I still ran past them. I don’t think they were thinking “Look at that stupid, loser, fat girl trying to run.” They were probably thinking, “Look at her run. Go Fat Girl!” Most people don’t actually think the worst of us, there are some who do, but most are impressed when we show any amount of stamina and do things they can’t/aren’t.

Was today my best run ever? No. Was yesterday’s run better? Yes. Can tomorrow be a better day? Yes. Did I try my best? Yes. So, here is the “re-caption” on the above picture: I am disappointed that I did not complete the goal I had in mind to complete, but I persevered, I did what I could, I pushed myself, I am TRAINING, I am LEARNING, I WILL SUCCEED!

I leave you today with this thought: Sometimes there will be good runs, sometimes there will be not-so-good runs, but you will never know which it will be if you never try.

Posted in c25k, couch to 5K, fat, honesty, Mojo, running, sneakers, stopwatch, Uncategorized, Walking | Tagged , , | 2 Comments